When your child goes off to college or moves out on his/her own, it can be heart wrenching. All during my son’s senior year of high school, I would get emotional just thinking of what was ahead. I was going to miss him so much! I wasn’t ready to let go.
This song by Susie Bogus, Letting Go, was the theme of my life that year. I cried all the time.
It was an adjustment but we visited and talked on the phone a lot. I got used to it. Visits home were something to look forward to and it seemed like all the stuff you go through with teenagers was behind us. My son was a grown up now. Our relationship had evolved to a new level.
It was great!
He moved back home.
Oh, I love him dearly. Don’t get me wrong. He’ll always be my baby. I would give my life for him without any consideration.
I would love, love, love to have my clean house back. No messes or dirty dishes, wet clothes in the bathroom. What happened???
My husband calls him the roommate from hell.
I thought there ought to be a support group for parents of adult kids. There are many. Just google “adult children moving back home.”
It is very different when you have an adult child living with you. That person who lived with you for 18 years is gone. It’s a new family unit. Rules? What rules?
Oh, it doesn’t matter what you think it should be. It is what it is. A category in itself.
One of my best friends told me, “Our children don’t see us as people.”
The love is there. They love us just as we love them. It’s just different. I’ve had to set some rules and since I can’t ground him, I can still unplug the internet and I do. Oh yes I do.
I’m a rebellious parent!
If you are an empty nester or newly going through the empty nest syndrome, enjoy yourself. Chances are at some point your kid will come back home to live with you and will probably fall back into the “child” phase as they want the comforts of home and mom and dad. But I can assure you it gets old quick.
We get used to our freedom and we like it. I don’t want to nag someone about picking up after themselves. I don’t cook every night either. Don’t be asking me what’s for dinner. I’m not Paula Dean.
If your twenty something moves back home, be sure to set some ground rules up front. You’ll probably want to establish a time frame on the living arrangement as well as having them contribute to the household. My son is in college and works at a local coffee place. I don’t charge him rent but I do make him pitch in for groceries. That kid can go through a gallon of milk in a day!
I wonder if Erma Bombeck ever wrote about this. I would love to read her thoughts on this subject.
Note: A journalist, Sam McManis, from the Sacramento Bee contacted me after reading this article and interviewed us for a story. It has circulated around the country.